Sunday, September 22, 2013

Glamour Don'ts

I have a tendency to take pictures of people on the train and send them to my friend Cori. They are all of fashion infractions, with the exception of the picture I sent of the bald man with a piece of yarn stuck to the back of his head. Sorry bald guy, but it was funny. Last week, I saw quite a doozey. I'm not going to post the actual picture because I want to protect the innocent but let me see if I can describe the visual accurately. It's about 8 am and an Asian woman gets on. I can only see her from the waist up but I was immediately sure, from what I saw, that she was just coming home from the night before. The first thing that caught my eye was the sequined shirt. Bedazzled really. The sequins were the size of quarters and were blinding. Her face was covered in white powder. Either she didn't know how to apply make up or she was going for the Geisha look. She had long straight hair with a little girl's plastic clip holding her bangs back. WHAT?! I couldn't stop staring...and as luck would have it, she said across the aisle from me. Rather than watch her like a t.v. show, I decided to take a picture and stare at my phone instead. Now, Cori, can't understand how I can take a picture of someone and not have them catch me. Let's just say I have skills in this area. First, I make sure my phone is on silent. Then I do a test photo and take a picture of my backpack, very innocently. Then I very innocently and yet intently pretend I am doing something on my phone while lining up my subject and then just snap the photo. Works like a charm every time. At least so far. So, I snap the photo and then zoom in. So, this is what I saw. In addition to the pale face powder, she has ringed her eyes, raccoon style, with black eyeliner and then topped that off with gold eye shadow. And when I say gold, I mean sparkly bling. Nice, dainty look for daytime. She has paired the bedazzled top with a pair of wrinkled khakis. I know....I wanted to take away her Lady Card the minute I saw it. What are you doing, I wanted to shout!! She had a cream cardigan on that was a bit ill fitting too. Then I scrolled down and before my eyes, appeared little pink ruffle socks...like a little girl wears with Mary Janes...and black flats. It was at this point that I had to look up to make sure what I saw was real. Annnnddd...that's when I realized she was eating a Tupperware container of cold ravioli. The smell was almost too much. Did this girl not have any friends? No one in her life that would say "Don't pair that top with those pants" or "Hey, you overdid it on the powder and you look like a mime" or even "You might have gone a little far with the eyeliner"? Look, I'm not saying I'm a fashion "do" every day, but that whole look was cause for concern. The kicker was when I got off the train, I was behind a man in high-waisted jean shorts who was wearing white socks and sandals. It was apparently Bad Fashion Thursday.

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