Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Jumping Jacks are for Youngins'

I went to bootcamp for the first time several years ago. My friend & neighbor Melissa dragged me into it. She said "C'mon...how bad could it really be?!" Uhm. Pretty Bad.

On the first night there were about 10 people. We had to frog hop around each other as our first exercise. Don't know what that is? Well, imagine this. Ten people stand in line and then the last person in line jumps like a frog all the way to the front and gets in front of the first person. And you sit in a squat while you wait for the 9 other people to hop by. By the end, our thighs were shaking. And that was just the first exercise. 50 minutes later, the instructor, and that's not at all what I want to refer to her as but I'm being nice, whipped a tennis ball at the gym wall and each of us had to catch it. The gym is basically all rubber...walls, floors, you name it.. rubber. So the ball was highly unpredictable. If you didn't catch the ball, then everyone had to drop and do ten push ups. We hated each other until it was our turn and we realized how hard it was. I think only 2 people caught the ball...and I was not one of them.

But we went back week after week, loving the challenge, but also loving the people watching, We would take turns cycling through different stations that lasted for 1 minute. Things like sits ups, wall kicks, jumping jacks, lifting weights, and jumping on and off the bleachers. There were times when the teacher turned her back and we all froze and didn't do anything until she was about to turn around. And there were other times when I would catch Melissa's eyes and we would crack up. There was a woman in our class that wore only one black glove, we never understood why, but we named her "Ha, He!" like the words Michael Jackson sang in Bad..."I know she's Bad, she's bad, ha he!"

Do you remember in gym class when you would tumble on those blue and tan mats that folded up? Yeah...well, one week we had to get in teams, pick one up, and hold the mat above our head while we ran the length of the gym and back. I literally laughed out loud when she told us what we were doing..I didn't think it was possible. Apparently it is but the whole time I was worried my arms would fail, the mat would hit the top of my head, and my neck would snap. Stoopid. Stoopid.

Amazingly, we took two bootcamp classes in a row and then we took a break. A few weeks ago I went to Tim's aunt's retirement party and  at the end of the night I found myself signed up for another bootcamp. Funny how beer + family = good idea to say yes to a bootcamp. Tim's cousin Callie roped me into it.

The class is basically filled, and by filled I mean like 5 people, with family and friends...who are easily 10 years younger than me. The instructor is Callie's friend. "It's only an hour" I reminded myself...I can do this.

The first few minutes were ok....and then we did jumping jacks. Listen....for those of you who don't have children or a bladder over 35, cut the crap with the pee pants jacks. I can't wait for you young people to turn old and do some jacks.

Then we moved into planks. Now listen, planks are tough but I love the challenge of the plank. And at 30 seconds, I remind myself that I can do anything for 30 seconds. But this plank involved getting into plank position, then lifting opposite arm and leg while in plank position, and then doing the other arm and leg...continuously for 30 seconds. I literally said out loud "Are you kidding me with this?" and got a rug burn attempting to do it. Holy Stupidness.

We moved on to weights for the last 30 minutes, which I love. Until I had to hit the chin up bar. Our instructor said he would help the ladies by holding their feet and giving them a boost up. So, I grabbed onto the bar and literally could not pull myself up. At all. Andrew was holding my feet and said "Ok...pull up" and I said "Uhm..I am..." and he said "Okay, let's not try and push ourselves on the first night...." Or any night. I can't pull myself up but I can pee my pants in bootcamp. Goodie!

I will say, I love the challenge of a bootcamp. They suck. Don't get me wrong...they suck bad. But you feel so good afterwards. I'll keep going...I love the challenge and it's a great workout but I'm just going to give you a little advice. If you are talking to a friend of family member at a family event, and if you have had a few cocktails, don't say yes to a bootcamp...I'm just sayin'....


  1. Kelly I love your workout stories! Thanks for the laugh to start the day. :)

  2. There is a boot camp at the gym I belong to. Well, I should say the gym I pay for and never use. I have to give you a virtual high five for having the guts and stamina to do a boot camp. A little pee in the pants never hurt anybody.