Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Just wanted to share a few things running through my head today: The guy that sat next to me on the train today smelled like maple syrup. Now listen, its okay when little kids smell like maple syrup…although not okay when their hands and hair are sticky from syrup….still, later in the day. But grown men smelling like syrup? Wash your hands, Dude. No one likes that. Put your seasonal mullets away, people. Do not wear things like winter brown knee high boots with a summer dress… with your white trench coat… and white patent leather purse. It’s never a good look. You will be lucky if you don’t show up on a Glamour Don’t page. I’m just sayin’… Please don’t walk your dog in your pajamas. And I don’t mean sweatpants. That’s ok. I mean, your plaid flannel pj bottoms, with a t-shirt, and in one instance last week, no bra. Newsflash - I know you think it is just you and your dog out there at 5:45 am but it’s not. Those of us who put ourselves through torturous running in the morning have to drive by you. And Lady, walking the dog with no bra on, you made my eyes bleed. Cut. It. Out. And just a side note, your dog doesn’t like it either. He’s embarrassed. I can tell by the way he half walks, half pees….he just wants to get back in the house and hide. Also, when you are a trainer and you tell your running mates to step it up and run faster and they don’t, it’s not because they don’t want to. It’s because they can’t. Don’t you think I would run faster if I could? I want these runs to end as soon as possible. I really don’t want to drag them out while I huff and puff and deal with my needling side stitch. Believe me, I want to be back in my car…sitting. I know this is your job as a trainer…to motivate your peeps, get them over those hurdles, and push them in a way they won’t push themselves. But when you tell me to run faster twice and I don’t appear to be kicking into overdrive, there is a reason. Believe me. Don’t come up beside me all hopping like a frog and happy and say “Come on! You can do it! Let’s go Buddy!” We aren’t buddies in moments like these. When we are done and walking it out in the parking lot, then we can be buddies again.