Thursday, February 24, 2011

Riding the Rails

I have to admit...I thought by now I would have come across a lot more crazy people on the train. This week alone, though, I have come across some beauties. Is it a full moon this week?

On the way home, I typically pick a three seater, figuring that if the train isn't croweded, at least I'll have some space between me and the other person. That hasn't happened yet...and I'm not sure why I haven't just moved to selecting a two seater from now on. Initially, I didn't realize that if you were in the outside seat of a three seater and someone asked if they could sit there, you don't have to be the one who gets squooshed in the middle. I did that for a few times, quietly resenting the third person who sandwiched me in there. Then I saw people getting up to let the third person in to take the middle. I didn't realize that was an option! It's as if the person is saying "Sure, you can sit here but you are taking the crappy middle seat because I was here first!"

One day last week I tried it out and you know what, it felt liberating! I know the person was hating me for making them take the seat of little space, but tough! I was there first! If I don't make it early enough to get the inside seat, I definitely take the You-Take-The-Inside-Seat-And-Like-It approach.

On the way in this week I sat in a two seater with an older gentlemen. He was reading the paper initially. And then I heard "rrriiippppp" as he very slowly ripped an article out of the paper. And when I say slowly I mean in slo-mo. When he was done he put the article in his shirt pocket. Apparently he found something interesting. No problem. A few moments of silence go by and then I hear the slow "rrriiippp" again. Hhhmm...I'm sensing a problem. I couldn't help but look out of the corner of my eye and I see him looking out the window as he rips. Don't you look at what you are doing when you are tearing something out so that you make sure you get it all? That made me wonder, "What's going on down there?" and when I looked all I could see was both his hands underneath the paper, slowly moving. Come on!! Have you ever had that feeling that your heart stopped for an instant because something startled you. Well, I'm pretty sure I stopped breating for a minute. All I could think was "OMG...what is he doing and do I just get up and give him a dirty look or do I say 'You pig!'?" But then I thought that he couldn't be doing what I thought he was doing and still be making the ripping noise. So, I waited another minute and then the ripping continued. This whole time he is staring out the window. "Rrrriippp". silence. "rrriiippp". silence. Finally he finishes and puts the "article" in his shirt pocket which I realize is chock full of ripped up newspaper. I then realize that his newspaper is filled with ripped up holes. It's at that moment that I realize he is some sort of closet paper ripper. Who does this?? In the words of my husband when I relayed this story: "Some people read on the train. Some people sleep on the train. Some people rip newspapers on the train." Yes, they do..but only on the Cra-Zee train!

Speaking of the crazy train, there was a loony bin on the train home today..and lucky me, she decided to sit with me! So, I hear this woman talking very loudly on the phone but I don't pay much attention until I hear "I'm going to have to call you back because I can't say what I really want to say to you right now because I'm on the train." Oh boy. She then continues to call a whole host of people saying "I'm coming into the train station in 10 minutes and you better f$%@! be there to pick me up!"

At this point, I am wedged in the corner next to an older woman making her grocery list in Russian....and she is sighing the whole way. Why? Why the sighing with the list? Who knows. At the second stop she gets off. That opens up a spot for Potty Mouth to sit next to me. Oh goody. Within 30 seconds she is rummaging through her purse, crumpling up some paper, and she THROWS some trash on the floor at my feet saying "I don't need this anymore!" Immediatley I want to say "Hey! Does this look like a giant trash can to you?!" but I looked at her out of the corner of my eye and quickly decided against it for 2 reasons. 1) She was much bigger than me and I knew she would kick my skinny jean behind and 2) I had no idea where she was getting off. I didn't want her to come out fists a'blazing at my stop...and I didn't want to end up being featured in a YouTube video that goes viral showing her ripping my cute hot pink wool hat off and ripping my hair out.

So instead I mentally confronted her...I love doing that. Just having a go at someoneone in your's such a great release. You get to say what you want, control how the situation goes, say all the great one liners you can think of, and be the winner....all in your own mind. It's great mental therapy. Lucky for me she got off at the next stop...swearing and grumbling the whole time.

I love the cra-zee's...they provide great entertainment...but I do prefer them to be at a distance...not next to me!

1 comment:

  1. Can you hear that Kelly? Its a constant annoying ttttttaap, ttttttaap,tttttaap. Since I do not have any paper to rip at the moment I am tapping on my computer. Just kidding, you are too funny.